Socks&Peas

I think all my life, I have never worn a white dress. When I was a kid, my mama has never dressed me up in a white dress. Maybe because kids stain their clothies in a heartbeat. Trust me, I know. Today, I was creating bluebonnets with my kids and we were using paint. To create the petals of the flower, we used our finger. I told them, “Only dab your pointer finger into the paint gently so the only thing that should get messy is your finger. Okay?” All my kids said “Yes, Miss. Pham!” and five seconds later, at least five kids had blue paint either on their shorts, shirts, foreheads, and elbows. I know they didn’t do it intentionally, but they’re kids. In their mind, keeping their clothes spotless isn’t on their top priority. It frustrated my OCD in being clean and neat, but they give me happiness.

My heart has been craving for a summer white dress. On days when the sun is lightly shining its ray on my pale skin and the wind’s finger combing through my hair, I would close my eyes and feel my favorite feeling that nature naturally gives me. It’s luscious. And what fits this refreshing feeling would be a white summery dress! It’ll complete many of my summer days. Looking at one already gives me an idea on how I’ll feel when I’m wearing one. The dress should hug my body snuggly and as I walk, it’ll graze my thighs on how gentle the fabric was made. Like a princess or something special; something pretty and elegant feeling. Can I get a little bit of that? Oh, I can not wait. The search is on. 

Today was the first time in a long time, I sung my heart out. The song that got me was Reflections by Christina Aguilera. :) This song goes way back! Brought back my childhood memories. I had Mulan’ s whole movie script memorized. Singing isn’t my greatest talent but I know I’m okay to the ears. I was shocked by the way I sang today. From the many times I popped that videocassette into my legit VCR and singing along with the movie had paid off because I didn’t have to follow the karaokes lyrics. I closed my eyes and sung all out; my very best.  

I helped create a picture motion today. It’s pending at the moment, but it will be epic. 

Lots of my days are filled with greatness and today is an addition to my collection. Tomorrow has great plans and it too, will be epic. 

This is my kind of picture. Some pictures tickles my brain and grabs my attention. I love that feeling because that’s when I know they’re magnificent. I’ve been adventurous, but time never allowed me to fully stretch my legs, arms and mind. This summer will be different. It will gain me knowledge. Shit, it’ll gain me some badass fun; adventures as huge as extra maxi pads.

I can not wait till my other half comes and plays with me. 21 DAYS OF PEAJAY GREATNESS. It feels like a friendship bracelet that comes in two and each has half of a heart and even though they’re separated by distance, whenever you piece them together, it would fit snuggly. Except, we’re like a human rope that entwined together since the Kindergarten. A lot of people take friends for granted in many ways, and I admit, I did, but I was foolish and young and I will not anymore. I love the true people in my life and I hope they stay quite a long time so I can give extra happiness as we grow together. Creating new friendships along the way shit, that’s legit too. 

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

Today, I felt like a kid again. It felt nice not worrying how ridiculous my laugh sounded. I don’t care! It felt refreshing. But today my menstrual cramps kicked in and reminded me that my body ain’t a kid anymore because every time I craved to laugh, my body aches. Today was a great start to my summer. Random Tues/Wednesday. I like it. 

I wish I can say I have walked all over Earth’s body. Been to every part of what Earth has to offer. I had a text that came to me today from a very far away sweet someone and it said: 

Truth: I’ve met and seen a handful of girls since we’ve stopped regularly talking. But all of them have nothing on you. You are truly one of a kind.. no matter what you think. You are spontaneous, caring, blunt, pale, honest, respectful, rude, daring, loyal, strong, comfortable, artistic, random, outgoing, vulgar, adventurous, thoughtful, passionate, funny, intelligent diamond in the rough that is in Texas. I’m surprised no one has picked you up yet. 

Humans like to take in the good&sweet things more closer to the heart than the ugly truth so yeah, I’m human and I’ll absorb this because this person have seen the good and the bad of me. Haha, seven days of adventure good & vomit bad. This was the most precious thought anyone has ever told me. I recently had a issue that made me feel I was plain and easy to be replace. I forgot about myself and what I can give to another companion. I got that excitement and happiness. :) 

Anyway, I weeped today and that was no bueno so this post was my own pick me up. Hope you like it PP. Haha, happy day, everyday. 

PP will be at the batting cages. Steamsteam. 

OH! & firemen are hubbahubba! There was family safety day and I was still working with the kids and a couple of firemen came in and was wearing navy T-shirts that showed their ripped body. ‘Oh myyyy gosh. Baby, let me love you down..’ & their fire truck was HUGE.

Let me put out the fire in our bedroom. 

I fluttered my lids with crusties at the corner of my eye and I realized my mind grasped the last spillage of my dream. The feeling of what I wanted most had finally anchored. A slight weight lifted off my heart just for a damn second. I felt relieved that my complication was fix, but it’s not because I was curled up in my blanket and I wasn’t where I was placed in my illusion. Sooner or later, reality kicked in and washed over me; reminding me that nothing budged. What a bummer. 

Optimistic at heart: Always thinking the illusion can show up at my door step; waiting, but that will only happen when you’re not hiding behind your ignorant ego that you worked so hard to build. 

I’m growing, but legibility as time past by we’re dying. So while my life glass’s sand is slowly falling to the bottom, I’m gaining the grains of growth because if I’m not growing then I’m rotting. I can feel it. I once felt that I knew everything, but I damn sure do not. I have tons to learn. My mind was so closed. I was just reliving & examining my cave consistently. It was getting quite boring. I’ve been so cold hearted and I never let anyone new creep near my heart. Not even close. But today, I felt like I can love. I can give. I can teach. Well, of course I can do all that before, but it had hesitation on the side. Before I looked at everyone as a target. A target for my entertainment. If you don’t entertain me, you’re gone but, I was so wrong. Each and every person has so many things that can make everyone learn something new. Teachers; in one way or many ways. It’s amazing. But a lot of the times others and myself have been through journeys that are conjoined with the same predicament. This journey that life is giving us is never walked alone. This seems like a post that I knew a long time, but now I have a little tumblr to tumble my thoughts. 

My face can be cute here&there. Also, ugly; here & there, but I have more than just a face. I have thoughts. I have a heart. 

Once a upon a time, I was a little girl who gave the world her all & others looked at that as a sign of difference and thought it was weird. So, she erased her ordinary self to fit in so she can have friends to play foursquare with. I am that little girl & I will get that box of crayon again and paint my flowers. 

Some of my actions aren’t label as failure, they’re my lessons in my life.

PP